A Path or a Race
The promise that never came true
At twenty, I showed promise. As I was about to turn forty, someone told me: “You will realize you are the promise that never came true.”
If life were ONLY a race, those words might sound like defeat. But there was something they did not say: which path you would take, or what you would carry along the way.
I am writing this at forty-one. Not because I have figured out something you have not, but because for many years I lacked Peace, and only now can I glimpse a small part of that learning. Perhaps what I found can help you too.
Free from delusion
Some time ago, I read these words by Confucius about the ages of life:
At fifteen, my mind was set on learning.
At thirty, I stood firm.
At forty, I was free from all delusion.
At fifty, I understood the Laws of Providence.
At sixty, my ears were attentive to Truth.
At seventy, I could follow the stirrings of my heart without overstepping the mean.— Confucius
I understand something of that feeling: being far from the finish line and yet increasingly clear about the path I want to take.
Some paths promise learning, achievement, that feeling of being complete. And after walking them, what remains feels more like emptiness.
It is hard not to call those hours “wasted time.” It is hard for me too. But they always leave us something. There is not only loss; there is also rebuilding.
You will see, the day and the night. You will understand that not everything goes to waste.
So, is life a path, a race, or both?
This is how I am coming to understand it:
1. It feels like a path when you walk in Peace.
2. A race, when your Goal is clear.
1 + 2 And it is also both, in balance.
The rush to get there
For musicians, this hits close to home. We hear “music career,” and immediately those words come up: achieving success. As if we had to hurry, as if pausing to understand something meant falling behind.
And the path? Who picks up the megaphone to talk about the path too?
Art is a means of expression. I would not want our anxiety to get there to rush us into expressing something we do not yet understand.
It happened to me. Some of my own works weigh on me later, not because I made them, but because I recognize how much of that urgency not to fall behind went into them. I share this because it is also part of making music, even if it does not sound as nice as talking about achievements.
And why did understanding it not keep me safe? Because we are human; the saying has it right: “Humans are the only animals that stumble over the same stone twice.” I can say that when it happens, there is nothing for it but to get back up.
Returning is not always going backwards
I used to dislike hearing that life had its “back and forth.” There were places I did not want to return to, experiences I did not want to repeat. Bad memories.
Over time, I discovered that returning is not always going backwards. Sometimes something unresolved resurfaces. It is a chance for us to do something different.
That is how I reconcile myself with the race: focusing on the path without losing sight of a Goal.
Because seeing only the path can lead you into lethargy. And seeing only the goal can make you lose your way.
On the way to a goal
Being “the promise that never came true” does not feel like a sentence to me today. It helps me look more humbly at what I expected of myself and what I truly want.
For as long as I can remember my adult thoughts, one longing has stayed with me: to make this world a better place to live, with less suffering. And that means feeling a Peace that does not keep slipping away.
That is why I write. Not to show you how far I have come, but to open a channel where we can meet on our way to the Goal.
If something weighs on you or keeps you from sleeping, I hope you find a little company in these words. I have no way to spare us the back and forth. Only this, which I also need to remember:
Give it time, and step by step you climb Everest. There is no other way to do it on foot.
I send you all my affection. I hope you are well.